Just a bit of Sunshine
After breakfast I found myself sitting by the window feeling helpless as the rain swept away slowly, so gloomy outside despite of all these greens surrounding our house. Well yeah for a goat probably that will be heaven but for a "normally on the go person" this is unusual and boring. I ended up listening to Jason Mraz while wasting my time.
I guess if it was sunny outside I could have ended up walking outside and enjoyed my walk instead of hearing the grumpy child screaming and crying all morning. I am not sure why that child is grumpy and all, probably he needs a bit of sunshine too.
For the last few years, I had worked with interesting people but at the moment I am left with no choice but to contemplate what will be my career move, should i retain my job (which obviously will break me if I'll leave it), start thinking far ahead as I am not alone anymore, I have to think of the little one's welfare and GJ. Imagine yourself working all through your life and now you'll find yourself straining your eyes in front of the computer thinking about your future career.
Pregnancy has it's ups and downs, emotions, career and finances. Sometimes you think the whole world supports you yet at the end of the day you'll find yourself sitting alone and you feel helpless.
I'm not sure if I'm actually ready to return to the workforce after having Lukie, but I've spent a lot of time trying to figure out what I think I should do, or where I feel that I should work. I've sort of come to the conclusion that aside from an environment that is not super stressful, location will play a big part in my decision. I know that I shouldn't let my anxiety control where I should work, but realistically, I have to think about the fact that my anxiety has relapsed in the past, and I know moving towards the future that I can't just stop working every time that happens. So, keeping that in mind, I know that it is important for me to find employment close to home (in walking distance, if possible).
Right now, I know I'm not ready to go back to the workforce, first and foremost I am still at the end stage of pregnancy which is taking its toll on me, imagine, you've been pregnant most of the year, everyone's baffled about your crazy emotional rollercoaster ride and lastly the last stage is a waiting game, you just don't know when will he come, you wait and it just won't come out, leaving you anxious and so much in pain. Anyhow Luke should come out when he's ready probably he isn't ready to face the world just yet. And waiting is such a boring game, if only I can force myself to work until the end of the pregnancy I would love to do that but at the moment I cannot even waddle far, I cannot even stand long enough to serve my grumpy patients.
I need to plan my daily routines effectively, from swimming to eating. I cannot limit myself from the corners of our house otherwise I will end up cooking, eating and cleaning as usual. I need an active phase routine rather that feeling helpless at home. Anyway, probably by the next blog I will be able to tell you how cute my baby is :)
Have a Gloomtastic day.